LIfe

Since the day I come to Sarawak. A lot of things had changed. Indeed, the world is always changing.

A lot of new stuff come into my life while some have gone.

The day before today, I received a very bad news from hometown about the death of one of my sister in Christ. Although we are not that close and lack of interact, but i did have a lot of memories about her and her family which gave a lot of caring for me. 

Just after the moment I knew it, I have no more energy and mood to continue my revision for final exam.

I wish to tell people to express my emotion but I can't,

Coz I really feel guilty about it. I know the situation of hers, and I should pray for her but I didn't. I totally forget to pray for her during the period she suffer in sick! 

although I know it is the God's planning. eventhough i pray, if God really wanna to take her to the heaven home, i can change nothing. but the worse thing is I forget my own responsibility to pray especially pray for others as a Christian. I really feel shame.

Till now, I still can't focus to study. Everytime when i sit down, i think about it.. 

I choose to play ball to make me better, choose to go out overnight to make me forget. but the fact is, i can't escape from facing it. I really want to express myself before I continue my life later. 

I can't tell my friends at here, should say I have no encourage to tell them. For sure, I know i will cry which i dont want to show in front of them. 

Instead of that, i choose to write down here to always remind myself.

 Tears around my eyes, but I dont want to let it fall. 

Hope that i could become better after this.

Heavenly Father, I come in front of you. to admit my sin with a humbly heart. For every wrong i have did, i hope You will forgive me and keep refresh me with your Holy Spirit. Dear Lord, pls always be with me and remind me whenever I forget to do the right thing. Pls, keep me away from the temptations, from the evil, from the wrong. I know I m jz a sinner, but Lord you never forget me, even bring me to your side to serve you and receive your grace. Thanks Lord! from the moment i write down this prayer, i told myself i really really really wanna be the blessing of others just like Lord you always bless me thru the angels you sent around me. Father, thank You. For always love me. always endure me. and never ever gv up me.

 I love You, my Lord, my dear heavenly Father.

for these, i pray in Jesus precious name. Amen!