I need a way

I tried to control myself from writing this post.
but I cant do it.
jz because if I am not express it, I am going to bomb!
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13th of October 2012. Kindergarten Graduation.
is an annually program.
nothing special. the only different is I am incharge of the backstage decoration which is usually incharge by the chairman of the board.

the first year, we do the deco without the present of chairman.
I think I am really mad, why I agreed to take over the job which is full of burden while the chairman is absent in the meantimes STPM is coming.

actually it is a very simple job while all the bro and sis are unite to do it.
but the problem is not all the people are willing to follow the instruction.
when the spider's web unite, they can tie up a lion;
but if it's not unite, even the spider can't stand firm in its web.

because of him, I have to do more than what I should do.
I try hardly to cooperate with this person, but it is very difficult to..
everytime I persuade myself to treat him nicely, I told myself, he also help a lot, I should thanks him.
but the fact is, what he bring to me is burden rather than helping.

I wonder why he is so unmature while he is older than me so much.
or maybe is me not enough mature to accept him.
I can only tolerance to him as avoid unhappy environment.
and finally what I done isnt what I want..

I am still finding ways to get on well with him although it maybe very difficult.
from the days of decoration, till he knocked my car without any apologize and forget his promise.
these all making me more and more dislike this person.

is a truth that everytime we are doing God's work, the evil also doing works on us.

I still need to grow grow grow grow up. to be a forgiving person to accept the person that I dont like.
to love your enemy! I know it, but is really not that easy when you want to do it..

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at the end of the graduation ceremony, the principle of kindergarten invited me to go up stage.
she introduced me to all the people.
I am so so so touch! when she still remember I am the former student in years 1998 & 1999 that even myself also not sure.
she gave a very very high praising to me that I am really shame to accept it.
at that moment, I really feel shame because I am not qualified to receive the glorification.
because I know, what I done is not good enough.
and I really do nothing much while all the people are so willing to become my hands and do the things.
full of appreciate to bro and sis in Christ especially the teachers..

kindergarten. a place where 3 to 6 years old children's playing ground.
thats what most of the people think it.
for me, it is a place that construct me, a place for me to learn, to grow up.even now, 19 years old, I am still learning in this place and I will continue learning till the end of my life at here..

a bad mood

jz noticed that everytime I write blog while I am in a bad mood..

age of 19, so call young adult. in the process of turning to a new lifestyle which is totally different with the secondary life.
need thinking, need mature, need a strong mindset to change myself,
or still same as 17 with a 19 appearance...

I know I really bear a very very important responsibility to study well in my STPM.
but even now which is 3 weeks before exam, I am still very slumber.

If you ask me what you had learnt in your Form 6 life.
The answer is I learn a lot, but nothing in academic.

The proof is I never passed my chemistry, physics and even maths paper in exam
Can you imagine that I failed in mathematics?!! and not only 1 times but everytime except the trial.
the only time I passed all the papers is in trial with the highest 70marks in maths paper.
I can do it jz because of my ability to memorize the pass year questions but not because of I know how to answer it.

But the fact is, in this moment, I am no regret to take STPM as my pre-u..
Yes! I missed a lot of fun experience in college, but I gain a lot more than I lost which are contructing myself to become a man who is mature enough to face the more challenge future life...

Sometimes, I feel that myself face a very big problem when challenges come to me, but when I look back, is just a piece of cake.
is a good sign, means that I am become stronger.